Big Changes, Big Feelings: When Your Kid Is Still Struggling After the Switch to Middle or High School
The first few weeks are behind us. The new locker has been conquered, the timetable (mostly) figured out. So why is your kid still coming home exhausted, snappy, or suddenly "sick" on school mornings?
Sometimes the nerves don't fade once the excitement wears off. They show up after the newness is gone, when the homework piles up and the friend groups settle. If that's your house, you're not alone, and you're not too late to help.
What Anxiety Can Look Like (It's Not Always "I'm Worried")
Preteens and teens often don't say "I'm anxious." It shows up sideways:
The mystery stomachache that appears every school morning
Big reactions to small things: snapping, tears, or slammed doors
Avoiding things they used to love, like sports, friends, or school itself
Sleep or appetite changes
Endless "what ifs" and needing reassurance again and again
Perfectionism: meltdowns over homework that's "not good enough"
Pulling away: more time alone, less time with friends
Slipping grades or trouble focusing
A rough first month is normal. If this has lasted more than a few weeks or is getting in the way of daily life, trust your gut and reach out.
What Actually Helps at Home
Listen before fixing. I know, it's hard. Try "That sounds really tough. Want to tell me more?"
Acknowledge the feeling without feeding the fear. "You're nervous, and that makes sense" is great. "Okay, you don't have to go" feels kind, but it can teach the brain that avoiding is the answer. Try "This feels scary, and I know you can handle it."
Make school feel more familiar. Go over the timetable together, talk through the trickiest part of the day, and plan what they can do when it gets hard, like who to check in with or where to take a breather.
Keep the basics steady. Regular sleep, meals, and screen limits give an anxious brain something solid to stand on.
Find the side-by-side moments. Car rides, walks, and cooking dinner get kids talking far more than "we need to talk" ever will.
Let them see you cope. Say it out loud: "I'm feeling stressed, so I'm going to take a few deep breaths."
Look after yourself too. Our calm is contagious. So is our stress.
Support at School
It's not too late to ask for help, even weeks in:
School counsellors are available in Abbotsford middle and secondary schools. Call the school office or email your child's teacher to connect.
Teachers and admin can set up small supports, like a trusted check-in adult, a quiet spot, or extra time on assignments.
School-based support teams can bring in more help if a quick check-in isn't enough.
Peer and mentor programs may be available. Ask what your school offers.
Support in Abbotsford
Your family doctor or nurse practitioner can rule out physical causes and refer you onward.
Child and Youth Mental Health (CYMH) provides publicly funded mental health services for BC kids and teens.
Foundry offers free mental health and wellness support for youth ages 12 to 24, in person or virtually.
Registered clinical counsellors are available locally, and many take extended health benefits.
Free anytime:
Kids Help Phone: 1-800-668-6868 or text 686868, 24/7
AnxietyCanada.com: free tools and workbooks for parents and kids
You've Got This (and So Do They)
Your kid doesn't have to be fearless. They just need to know they're not facing this alone. Asking for help early shows them that reaching out is a strength.
Need a Little Extra Support?
Tatiana Carballo, RCC, offers counselling in Abbotsford, BC, teaching kids practical skills for anxiety and supporting parents along the way.
Visit tatianacarballotherapy.com or email tatianacarballotherapy@gmail.com to get in touch.
If your child talks about hurting themselves or not wanting to be alive, call or text 9-8-8 (Canada's Suicide Crisis Helpline) or go to your nearest emergency department right away.
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